Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
