How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
