I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Someone signed my nipple.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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