mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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