ADVERTISEMENT

• (251): View more from Alabama

  Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.

  Fav 16 2721 1063

  share tweet
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone

  Fav 31 2586 1085

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (904): View more from Florida

  I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me

  Fav 28 1377 6405

  share tweet
  

• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.

  Fav 14 8257 1058

  share tweet
  

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma

  Fav 24 9767 1933

  share tweet
  

• (440): View more from Ohio

  I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob

  Fav 13 3083 948

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (714): View more from California

  It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.

  Fav 13 689 2139

  share tweet
  

• (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?

  Fav 19 4769 1069

  share tweet
  

• (347): View more from New York

  It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.

  Fav 9 2055 1093

  share tweet
  

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.

  Fav 2 1478 652

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.

  Fav 0 659 434

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,

  Fav 1 817 495

  share tweet
  

• (760): View more from California

  I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?

  Fav 5 1255 588

  share tweet
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him

  Fav 0 8 62

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (360): View more from Washington

  Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.

  Fav 1 20 93

  share tweet
  

Randomize