I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I need water and some morals
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
