Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
