Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
