Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
