Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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