I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
