another moral hangover. fuck.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
