somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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