i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
