i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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