Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
