Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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