Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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