trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
