i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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