he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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