Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
