Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
