I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im holly from the hills drunk
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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