it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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