Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
