I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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