People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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