i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
