check it out our google latitudes are spooning
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
