So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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