Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
