morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize