mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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