I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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