You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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