I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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