Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
