ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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