He uses pillows to masturbate.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
