There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
