I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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