You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
