I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
