Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
