Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
