So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
