people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
