and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
