...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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