Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
