I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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