I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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