you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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