I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
