she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
