you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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