It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize