Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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