yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
