I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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