Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
