Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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