What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
