yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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