twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
