i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
