I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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