omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
