Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
