In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
