he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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