That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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