now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
People in love make me want to vomit
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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