you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
