I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
they call him Oral-B. enough said
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
