I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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