Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
