12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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