I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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