I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
